The Danger of Unforgiveness
The Danger of Unforgiveness
Topic: Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself.
Erika Kirk
This week the wife of Charlie Kirk did something amazing. She was televised speaking at a memorial service for her late husband. With grace she said to the killer of her husband. I forgive you!
This is so unlike society in the world
Our culture keeps track of every wrong doing. We inventory every slight, every hurt, and every disappointment. Family disagreements lead to estrangements that last through generations. And sadly, the family of God is no better.
Our feelings get hurt and rather than working through the issues to sustain the relationship, we walk away … and, more often than not, we talk away—all too happy to share how we’ve been wronged.
The news is full of violent and heartbreaking situations, far too many of which stem from unforgiveness.
Even little children are quick to announce, “You’re not my friend!” when a conflict comes on the playground or classroom.
SHE HAS BEGUN THE PROCESS OF HEALING IN HER GREAT LOSS
The Poison of Unforgiveness
Unforgiveness is classified in medical books as a disease. According to Dr. Steven Standiford, chief of surgery at the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, refusing to forgive makes people sick and keeps them that way.
Lack of forgiveness can lead to very serious physical issues but also mental and emotional issues such as anxiety, bitterness, and depression.
It slowly eats you alive.
“For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14–15
When someone hurts you, or does something terrible to you, the first human reaction is to get angry, form a grudge, and hate that person right back.
Below are three of the most common reasons people choose not to forgive.
I don’t want to send the message that what happened was okay.
Too many people refuse to forgive because they believe the person who hurt them needs to suffer more.
I can’t forgive them because I can’t trust them.
Forgiveness allows us to move forward after being hurt instead of staying stuck in the past because of unreleased resentment.
There is good reason why Jesus preached about forgiveness so much: it was because the cost of unforgiveness is higher than you can imagine.
1. Unforgiveness will imprison you in your past.
As long as you fail to forgive an offender, you are shackled to the past.
Unforgiveness keeps that pain alive.
Unforgiveness never lets that wound heal, and you go through life reminding yourself of what was done to you, stirring up that pain and making yourself progressively angrier.
2. Unforgiveness will produce bitterness.
The longer you remember the offense, the more data you accumulate on it, the more you recite the memory, the more it occupies your thinking, the more it shapes your person.
Bitterness is not just a sin; it is an infection, and it will infect your whole life.
Your whole view of life becomes distorted.
Forgiveness, on the other hand, dispels bitterness and replaces it with love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control.
Why would anybody want to live in the prison of their past?
Why would anybody want to live with accumulated bitterness that makes them violate every relationship?
3. Unforgiveness will give Satan an open door.
Unforgiveness throws the welcome mat out and invites the demons in. Where you have unresolved bitterness and an unforgiving spirit, you have given place to the devil:
It is no exaggeration to say that most of the ground that Satan gains in our lives is due to unforgiveness.
We’re not ignorant of his scheme to move in on an unforgiving attitude and destroy relationships. You can evict all the demonic trespassers by an act of forgiveness.
4. Unforgiveness will hinder your fellowship with God.
In the ongoing relationship with God, if we don’t forgive others, He doesn’t forgive us. So if I’m not right with you, then I’m not right with Him.
Why would I sentence myself to not being right with God?
Is there some virtue in cutting off the purity and the joy of my fellowship with God?
To forgive is to turn the key, open the cell door, and let the prisoner out.
To forgive is to bundle up all the garbage and dispose of it, leaving the house clean and fresh.
This matter of forgiveness is very important, and it’s right at the crux of our spiritual health.
What We Lose When We Don’t Forgive
1. We lose answered prayer. Jesus was clear that we must forgive as we pray: “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing” (Mark 11:25).
2. We lose our Christian witness at some level. That’s because few of us are very good at hiding our frustration and unforgiveness toward others. Eventually, others see our anger.
3. We lose a battle to the enemy. He’s the evil one who wants to bind us up in bitterness. He delights when we allow our anger to become our idol.
4. We lose any real sense of peace. We might fake it for a while, but animosity and hostility toward someone else eventually eats at our soul. It consumes us.
5. We lose an opportunity to live out the gospel. The gospel is about God’s loving forgiveness of us, and we model that love when we forgive others.
6. We lose years of relationships.
7. We lose some of our usefulness to the work of God. I’m deeply grateful he uses any of us sinners—that is, none of us is worthy to be his vessel—but we needn’t make ourselves less useful by our ongoing sin of unforgiveness.
The glory of Christianity is to conquer by forgiveness.
Jesus said,
“If you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25).
"When you choose to forgive, you free the offender, but more importantly, you free yourself."
Corrie Ten Boom
There’s a powerful moment from the life of Corrie ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who, along with her family, helped Jews escape the Nazi Holocaust during World War II. Eventually, they were caught and sent to concentration camps. Corrie survived, but her sister Betsie did not. The cruelty she endured at the hands of the Nazis left deep scars.
Years later, Corrie was speaking at a church in Germany—sharing her testimony of God’s forgiveness and the freedom that comes from forgiving others. At the end of the service, something unimaginable happened.
A man began walking toward her. She recognized him immediately. He had been one of the cruelest guards at Ravensbrück, the concentration camp where her sister died. He didn’t recognize her—but she knew his face.
He reached out his hand and said, “Fraulein, how good it is to know that, as you say, all our sins are at the bottom of the sea! I have become a Christian. I know that God has forgiven me for the cruel things I did there, but I would like to hear it from your lips as well. Fraulein, will you forgive me?”
Corrie froze. She later wrote about that moment with raw honesty. She said, “I who had preached so often the need to forgive… kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them… Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more?”
She prayed silently for God’s help. And then—miraculously—she extended her hand. She wrote: “I took his hand. And as I did, an incredible thing took place. The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes. I forgive you, brother, I cried. With all my heart!”
That’s the kind of forgiveness that only God can give. And it’s the same kind of forgiveness He extends to us. We may not feel deserving. We may carry guilt or shame. But when we come to Him—humbly, honestly—He doesn’t leave His hand at His side.
Benefits of Forgiveness:
#1: It heals a wound in your heart.
#2: Forgiveness Is an Act of Self-Care
#3: It Brings You Peace
When we forgive someone, it may feel like we are doing it for them.
By holding on to that hurt that you just can’t let go of, it may feel like you are getting revenge and hurting them back.
But the person that you are forgiving may never know that you are still thinking of how they wronged you.
The person that is hurting the most is you. One of the biggest benefits of forgiveness is the peace that it will bring to your heart.
A Point to ponder
The shift in your mindset that comes with forgiveness is best described by author C.R. Strahan, who said,
“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime.
It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim—letting go of the pain and transforming oneself from victim to survivor.”
Forgiving helps you move forward on your spiritual path.
A HALLMARK OF THE CHRISTIAN JOURNEY IS THE COMMITMENT TO BECOME A FORGIVING PERSON, not just one offense, but as an essential virtue with you all the time. Forgiveness is one of the main themes of Jesus’ teaching and example. As he breathed his last on the cross, he prayed, “Forgive them, they know not what they do.”
In the Lord’s Prayer, he taught us to pray “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” Essentially, the prayer asks, “God forgive me, but only to the extent that I am forgiving of others.”
Peter, one of the disciples, inquired of Jesus how many times we should forgive, “As many as seven times?” Maybe he said seven because in that day seven symbolized completion.
Jesus replied try seventy times seven. It is not that Jesus was saying 490 is the magical number. Who can keep track of that many? The point is to stop keeping track and to enter a process where one enters a constant state of forgiveness so that we might become forgiving people.
Jesus parable is about a servant who has been forgiven a great sum of money but refused to forgive someone who owed him a pittance in comparison.
The lesson is that if we have been forgiven the debt we owe to God for life, for the forgiveness of our sins, for all of the blessings we’ve accumulated throughout life, surely, we can find a way to let that sense of mercy permeate our lives and forgive others.
